Alternate Careers

Remember when we say this is not the right proffession for me.What if I was doing my dream job?Life would be much better then.That job suits my identity,its something Im good at and I wont take it as a source of income.Its my passion in life.

Well,people have been reading me stuff(scouse accent) but havent been commenting.Although I havent marketed my blog well(and the irony is I want to get into marketing) few people who read it and some who read it forcefully(not because Im putting the screen in their face,or desperately sending links to :P) have requested me to do something funny.People who know me in England are

a) why did you stop writing? ans. I have re started

b) you're quite funny in real life,so why the sad stuff? ans. here it is

So lets see,hmm bollywood.What would these stars be if they were'nt in the film industry.See most of them dont know to act so obviously.But dont get offended,cos Im going to start off with SRK.Its just fun

SRK - Winner of the great Indian laughter challenge.Would have on tour shows with Raju Shrivastva,Sunil Pal and the rest of the gang.

Suhail Khan - Bouncer and head security guard for Sallu Bhai.

Saif Ali Khan - India's best hunter.Would have invited the rest of the Khans over to his royal palace for a hunting vacation.See thats how he got bebo in the first place.

Karan Johar - Fashion designer.perfect and gay.He would dress up all the stars,I think he only does SRK's wardrobe now.Which is weird because He can undress him better than he can dress him!

Abhishek Bachchan - An IELTS/TOEFL teacher or work in a call centre which gives training to the lads who have to call up the UK or US.Ofcourse Salman Khan will be the mentor.

Aishwarya Rai - You know all those duplicates they have on shows of old and new stars.Ash would be Hema Malinis duplicate or atleast her voice.Their dialogue delivery is the same.

Rani Mukerji - A model in Fair and lovely ads.After that she would be the face of Strepsils.

Juhi Chawla - She can defintely run a creche and control crying kids.Or an air hostess.hmm

Preity Zinta - Indias face for botox whilst Koena Mitra the face for plastic surgery.

Mallika Sherawat - High class escort(Isnt that her part time job even now?)

Rakhi Sawant - Kaam waali bai(in the day)..and in the night same as above but not high class for sure.

Shilpa Shetty - Diplomatic ambassdor for the India - UK relations.

Sushmita Sen - Relationship counsellor.

Moon Moon sen - Pimp

Uday Chopra - The mascot for olympics for the mentally challenged.

Anu Malik - a blind musician in our trains who fakes that he is blind and his music is original.

Himesh Reshamiyya - Head of the music that can only be played in rickshaws union.

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I do want to comment on Hollywood but it would be sarcasm.Like Paris Hilton(St.) who does social work.Or Britney Spears the ultimate role model but naaahh...Lets move into football.

The Lazio Team - Should rot in hell.That club is worthless.

Cristiano Ronaldo - the first transexual diver and gold medallist in all aspects of diving.

Wayne Rooney - Staff at a Kebab store.or a cheap mimic of Shrek

Jose Mourinho - Dictator of the planet Earth.

Francesc Fabregas- a champion in spitting competitons.

Arsene Wenger - a life insurance agent or may be a salesman.

David Beckham - he proves that all blondes are dumb.I would love to see Becks as pop star in a boy band.

Roy Keane - The stand in president of Iran when the original one takes a break.They look the same and have the same set of principles.

Kaka - A father in a church.I am the son of Jesus he claims.

Marco Materazzi - the dumb guy in a mafia gang.You know these gangs have a joker in the pack.Matrix fits the bill.

Luciano Spalletti(my Roma's manager) - An actor in Dracula.Igor the man(hunchback) who serves the Count.

Nicholas Anelka - Real estate agent.He can find new homes like we can find food in a food court!

Zidane - the before and after face in a hair weaving commercial.If Zidane does weaving in real life.

Sir Alex - Santa Claus.Actually even Rafa Benitez can do a good job.May be in a mall one could do the day shift and the other in the night.

Fabio Cannavaro - Let me not go further than a career in the adult film industry.

Carlos Tevez- a failure in the above mentioned field.

John Terry - A london tourguide especially the dungeons.He's been to jail many a time.Up north in Lancashire Steven Gerrard would have the honours in a day tour to all the jails in that area!

Ronaldinho - the example that all orthodontists will use to market their services.

Sven Goran Eriksson - England manager.Well he was England manager wasnt he?What a joke.

Ok I'm getting bugged.Lets end it by saying about Francesco Totti.He would be an army man,an inspiration and a role model.

I am biased oh yeah