Alternate Careers

Remember when we say this is not the right proffession for me.What if I was doing my dream job?Life would be much better then.That job suits my identity,its something Im good at and I wont take it as a source of income.Its my passion in life.

Well,people have been reading me stuff(scouse accent) but havent been commenting.Although I havent marketed my blog well(and the irony is I want to get into marketing) few people who read it and some who read it forcefully(not because Im putting the screen in their face,or desperately sending links to :P) have requested me to do something funny.People who know me in England are

a) why did you stop writing? ans. I have re started

b) you're quite funny in real life,so why the sad stuff? ans. here it is

So lets see,hmm bollywood.What would these stars be if they were'nt in the film industry.See most of them dont know to act so obviously.But dont get offended,cos Im going to start off with SRK.Its just fun

SRK - Winner of the great Indian laughter challenge.Would have on tour shows with Raju Shrivastva,Sunil Pal and the rest of the gang.

Suhail Khan - Bouncer and head security guard for Sallu Bhai.

Saif Ali Khan - India's best hunter.Would have invited the rest of the Khans over to his royal palace for a hunting vacation.See thats how he got bebo in the first place.

Karan Johar - Fashion designer.perfect and gay.He would dress up all the stars,I think he only does SRK's wardrobe now.Which is weird because He can undress him better than he can dress him!

Abhishek Bachchan - An IELTS/TOEFL teacher or work in a call centre which gives training to the lads who have to call up the UK or US.Ofcourse Salman Khan will be the mentor.

Aishwarya Rai - You know all those duplicates they have on shows of old and new stars.Ash would be Hema Malinis duplicate or atleast her voice.Their dialogue delivery is the same.

Rani Mukerji - A model in Fair and lovely ads.After that she would be the face of Strepsils.

Juhi Chawla - She can defintely run a creche and control crying kids.Or an air hostess.hmm

Preity Zinta - Indias face for botox whilst Koena Mitra the face for plastic surgery.

Mallika Sherawat - High class escort(Isnt that her part time job even now?)

Rakhi Sawant - Kaam waali bai(in the day)..and in the night same as above but not high class for sure.

Shilpa Shetty - Diplomatic ambassdor for the India - UK relations.

Sushmita Sen - Relationship counsellor.

Moon Moon sen - Pimp

Uday Chopra - The mascot for olympics for the mentally challenged.

Anu Malik - a blind musician in our trains who fakes that he is blind and his music is original.

Himesh Reshamiyya - Head of the music that can only be played in rickshaws union.

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I do want to comment on Hollywood but it would be sarcasm.Like Paris Hilton(St.) who does social work.Or Britney Spears the ultimate role model but naaahh...Lets move into football.

The Lazio Team - Should rot in hell.That club is worthless.

Cristiano Ronaldo - the first transexual diver and gold medallist in all aspects of diving.

Wayne Rooney - Staff at a Kebab store.or a cheap mimic of Shrek

Jose Mourinho - Dictator of the planet Earth.

Francesc Fabregas- a champion in spitting competitons.

Arsene Wenger - a life insurance agent or may be a salesman.

David Beckham - he proves that all blondes are dumb.I would love to see Becks as pop star in a boy band.

Roy Keane - The stand in president of Iran when the original one takes a break.They look the same and have the same set of principles.

Kaka - A father in a church.I am the son of Jesus he claims.

Marco Materazzi - the dumb guy in a mafia gang.You know these gangs have a joker in the pack.Matrix fits the bill.

Luciano Spalletti(my Roma's manager) - An actor in Dracula.Igor the man(hunchback) who serves the Count.

Nicholas Anelka - Real estate agent.He can find new homes like we can find food in a food court!

Zidane - the before and after face in a hair weaving commercial.If Zidane does weaving in real life.

Sir Alex - Santa Claus.Actually even Rafa Benitez can do a good job.May be in a mall one could do the day shift and the other in the night.

Fabio Cannavaro - Let me not go further than a career in the adult film industry.

Carlos Tevez- a failure in the above mentioned field.

John Terry - A london tourguide especially the dungeons.He's been to jail many a time.Up north in Lancashire Steven Gerrard would have the honours in a day tour to all the jails in that area!

Ronaldinho - the example that all orthodontists will use to market their services.

Sven Goran Eriksson - England manager.Well he was England manager wasnt he?What a joke.

Ok I'm getting bugged.Lets end it by saying about Francesco Totti.He would be an army man,an inspiration and a role model.

I am biased oh yeah

Ye joh shahar hai mera

Alright its a cheesy caption,but I miss my city.I'm patriotic about India,but its the city;my home Mumbai which I'm emotionally connected to more than any other city in India.Born and bred there,there is not a single city in this world which I can ever call a home or where I can belong to,where I can settle in.

My people,the places,my life passes through in glimpses as I sit and type this.A faint memory turns into a shower of emotions when I think of the life I had in my home.I left my home to grow up and experience life but the moment I went away Mumbai was calling me back.I couldnt stop crying when I first arrived in Guildford,but then slowly life moved on and the bond became much stronger.A funny thing here,when people ask me where I hail from I say Mumbai.Unfortunately the Malus havent taken this kindly.They sort of label me as a traitor to Kerala,you know a feeling what the foreign born Indians feel when someone from India comes about in touch with them.They're confused about ethnicity and nationality.

Well I dont give a rats arse to what people think,Ive spent all of my 21 years back in Mumbai and there is nothing in the world to repay what that beautiful city has given me.Whatever comes on her,she takes it and despite all the calamities in recent times all (man made) including the floods Mumbai will always stand firm.The people,my people and our culture.People from other cities in India read Delhi for example always are jealous.They wouldnt accept that although they feel they are superior than us,Mumbaikars are the reason why the whole country runs and will reach great heights in the future.

The pollution,slums,crowds,dirt & filth,sound pollution etc are all the things I miss.I can see myself kissing the ground when I return back to home(God save the passenger sitting next to me). I'm trying to write it in words but just cant think of any.There's so much to tell.

I miss everything,there is not a single day where I havent thought of going back for good,although life in England is touch wood quite ok now.

I can hear Mumbai calling me...

Its Time to level things fate

This year,I thought would be my year.A year with good luck for a change where destiny etches herself out and not just a hazy labyrinth and nowhere to go.Warning Ive taken massive anti-depression drugs so the language wouldnt be rosy.

The start was horrible,possibly one of the worst as we were languishing down in 17th place right at the start. The injuries have plagued as throught this season and as luck would have it almost half of the squad was out injured at one point and we had 7 lads from the primavera ie the youth team on our roster for a home game against juventus. Still got a bright spot - marco d'alessandro who made a fool out of juve's cbs and produced a save from gigi buffon.

Anyways going back to start,a defeat against cfr cluj and then chelski and everyone had written us of. The player of this season(and my future jersey) numero trente tre 33 matteo brighi blossomed into a world class player,which was deemed of way back in 2002. The real Roma finally showed up and a series of high profile victories came along and we were playing the football we know to play. Raping Chelski at home was and still will be the high point.We raped them,lamps was in tears after our 3rd goal and eventually we topped group A and how.This was the real Roma and I knew this was our season of glory in europe.It was fate.

Meanwhile Roma climbed up the league and reached european places when fate that bitch had a say once again.We were nailing arsenal in the 2nd leg after a poor poor 1st leg,and i knew if we go into penalties it would be it.It wasnt totti,thank god but we were out of penalty takers.Max tonetto blasted over the top and that was that.We've been poor since,injuries suspensions blah blah and our hopes of qualifying for next years UCL is slim.Mathematically we arent out,and i still believe.Its fate,it has to balance out all the bad things that are unjustly put on us.

Our coppa was also snacthed by referees and Inter went through,a fine game in the league as well.A balotelli dive and 3-1 away win into a 3-3 draw.Its not fair god damn,its fucking not fair.We play the best football in Italy,like Barca or Arsenal.Genoa who are sitting in 4th were smashed 3-0 and 3 beautiful goals when both the teams were full strength.The second high point of this season.

Now we are in 6th place 5 points shy of fourth place and play fiorentina next.I believe,the Romanistas believe.Its just fair that we finish fourth.We had a scudetto robbed last season and the refereeing decisions went against us.Bad signings apart from riise and motta,we lost our president and the parent company Italpetroli are in debts of about 400 m euros.

But the belief is still there.Passione eterna,Daje Roma,forza roma sempre!

Blah blah..junk crap..yawn updates

I like the layout of my new homepage for the blog.It was just mere coincidence and the setting brings tears into me eyes.(Irish)

Addicted to the special one tv,a puppet show(youtube it) on football and jose mourinho as the host along with sven goran erikkson and wayne rooney.The callers feature Sir Alex,The voyeur Wenger,Rafa,Roy and Robbie Keane,David Beckham and many other fantastic personas.And all the mimicing is done by one Irish bloke Mario Rosenstack.So I find myself impersonating the show and its punchlines in public.I love the lad Dave from Newcastle who stalks Shola Ameobi.

I can go on and on with the show,so let it be.

Writing feels good,Im going to go on to comedy my genre very soon as people have not been taking to the kinda stuff I write.Ya,at the end of day its the funny bone which is the most strongest.In my interview at a theatre,when asked about my weirdest moment all I could think of is dancing to Kajra Mohabatt Wala at the i-gala.

KAJRA MOHABATT WALA

Man,I agreed to do this in a jiffy.And trust me it took a lot of courage to do that kinda thing.I was dressed up like a woman,looked like those overweight punju aunties(no offence).

I had to dance and thats one of the many things I cant do!

But at the end of day it was fun and people laughed like maniacs.The photos are just 1% of the actual ridicule,it was a thing you had to witness live.

I have to study.But I'm in a holiday mood especially after the eurotrip.

Life has been unfair on me and Roma.If we dont come 4th I'm heading into severe depression.

If only...

ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS AND HAVE NO RESEMBLANCE TO ANYONE.AND I'M BACK.!!!

And she sat in her favourite corner in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

As he walked into my life,as a friend,an angel always there in my hardest moments making me laugh,

Pleading guilty; I didnt let him in sooner,into my happiness.Selfish I was,I didnt know I was cutting his soul into half.

I was in love,an unknown magical made up world of bliss,knowing that this was love,

I ducked,ignored but finally I had to tell him that it wasn't him.Like an undertaker I had to shove.

But yet he was there,without saying a word,always supporting me but dying from inside, a feeling he never ever showed,

A masochist being He,sometimes I wish He would have told me atleast once,put a doubt at my ignorance;before I took that long winding road.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

Days turned into months,I had forgotten my minute guilt.Living the life I had in my dreams,I couldn't believe that this was ever going to end,

Didnt hear from him,I thought he was happy too.I'd much cared for him as friend,I thought I had nothing to amend.

There was a subtle sadness Id failed to capture,talked to him after months.But little did I know I was digging deeper into his sadness,

I failed to see,come out of my blissful world when I needed to.My reason; my friendship that I failed to harness

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

I blamed him,for not keeping in touch. I knew I was right, although I could feel the tremors in own world giving me a fright,

There were arguments and fights live every one has, a small unrest thrown in, felt I was being controlled in my s,ky like a kite.

I told him about my problems,and all he did was help me out like a true friend.I was lucky to have someone like him so close,

As I battled my way,he just kept a smile.I stopped while walking.Is he is the right man I chose.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

He gave me gifts,surprises and the love I failed to see.He was going,didnt realise his value until the days passed and the time came close,

Didnt give him a farewell he deserved,the future that lay ahead for both of us,no one would know.

I was still sailing in stormy seas whilst He just couldnt hold his tears together anymore,broke down and just let it flow,

I should have known better,the guilt and shame that bled out of me,I couldnt stare at the mirror,somehow I felt wrong now; at the time when he was about to take his bow.

He left, I was coming back to life and for the first time when I needed a friend He wasnt there,

But then the love of my life(pun intended) decided to stand by me for the first time,for a long time I missed the care.

But I was confused,I still felt I made the right decision. I was under a rough patch,but it all cleared up as he left and my love life suddenly became clear,as he going away brought us near.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

A couple of years gone by,I still hear his voice.But He ponders on coming back,as it strikes me the love was all a mirage,

I start feeling the guilt again,and this time Im sure it was him all along.But the words dont come as I live a life of accepting my fate.

I can still feel the love,miles away from me,fading away.Its a long time that I made him wait.

But I give in,I didnt have the guts to listen to my heart.A coward I was as I made my way back to the start.

He slowly disappeared, throwing disgust as I settled with the 'happy' love of my life who I thought was perfect,But I knew it wasnt.I convinced it was meant to be,swallowed my guilt,my life's final draft.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

I wondered if I he was with me,I think that was how it was meant to be.But....

I wish I had taken that chance,to enjoy that summer dance.

I just know Ive made a mistake that I cannot turn back time and erase.

If only....