Ye joh shahar hai mera

Alright its a cheesy caption,but I miss my city.I'm patriotic about India,but its the city;my home Mumbai which I'm emotionally connected to more than any other city in India.Born and bred there,there is not a single city in this world which I can ever call a home or where I can belong to,where I can settle in.

My people,the places,my life passes through in glimpses as I sit and type this.A faint memory turns into a shower of emotions when I think of the life I had in my home.I left my home to grow up and experience life but the moment I went away Mumbai was calling me back.I couldnt stop crying when I first arrived in Guildford,but then slowly life moved on and the bond became much stronger.A funny thing here,when people ask me where I hail from I say Mumbai.Unfortunately the Malus havent taken this kindly.They sort of label me as a traitor to Kerala,you know a feeling what the foreign born Indians feel when someone from India comes about in touch with them.They're confused about ethnicity and nationality.

Well I dont give a rats arse to what people think,Ive spent all of my 21 years back in Mumbai and there is nothing in the world to repay what that beautiful city has given me.Whatever comes on her,she takes it and despite all the calamities in recent times all (man made) including the floods Mumbai will always stand firm.The people,my people and our culture.People from other cities in India read Delhi for example always are jealous.They wouldnt accept that although they feel they are superior than us,Mumbaikars are the reason why the whole country runs and will reach great heights in the future.

The pollution,slums,crowds,dirt & filth,sound pollution etc are all the things I miss.I can see myself kissing the ground when I return back to home(God save the passenger sitting next to me). I'm trying to write it in words but just cant think of any.There's so much to tell.

I miss everything,there is not a single day where I havent thought of going back for good,although life in England is touch wood quite ok now.

I can hear Mumbai calling me...

Its Time to level things fate

This year,I thought would be my year.A year with good luck for a change where destiny etches herself out and not just a hazy labyrinth and nowhere to go.Warning Ive taken massive anti-depression drugs so the language wouldnt be rosy.

The start was horrible,possibly one of the worst as we were languishing down in 17th place right at the start. The injuries have plagued as throught this season and as luck would have it almost half of the squad was out injured at one point and we had 7 lads from the primavera ie the youth team on our roster for a home game against juventus. Still got a bright spot - marco d'alessandro who made a fool out of juve's cbs and produced a save from gigi buffon.

Anyways going back to start,a defeat against cfr cluj and then chelski and everyone had written us of. The player of this season(and my future jersey) numero trente tre 33 matteo brighi blossomed into a world class player,which was deemed of way back in 2002. The real Roma finally showed up and a series of high profile victories came along and we were playing the football we know to play. Raping Chelski at home was and still will be the high point.We raped them,lamps was in tears after our 3rd goal and eventually we topped group A and how.This was the real Roma and I knew this was our season of glory in europe.It was fate.

Meanwhile Roma climbed up the league and reached european places when fate that bitch had a say once again.We were nailing arsenal in the 2nd leg after a poor poor 1st leg,and i knew if we go into penalties it would be it.It wasnt totti,thank god but we were out of penalty takers.Max tonetto blasted over the top and that was that.We've been poor since,injuries suspensions blah blah and our hopes of qualifying for next years UCL is slim.Mathematically we arent out,and i still believe.Its fate,it has to balance out all the bad things that are unjustly put on us.

Our coppa was also snacthed by referees and Inter went through,a fine game in the league as well.A balotelli dive and 3-1 away win into a 3-3 draw.Its not fair god damn,its fucking not fair.We play the best football in Italy,like Barca or Arsenal.Genoa who are sitting in 4th were smashed 3-0 and 3 beautiful goals when both the teams were full strength.The second high point of this season.

Now we are in 6th place 5 points shy of fourth place and play fiorentina next.I believe,the Romanistas believe.Its just fair that we finish fourth.We had a scudetto robbed last season and the refereeing decisions went against us.Bad signings apart from riise and motta,we lost our president and the parent company Italpetroli are in debts of about 400 m euros.

But the belief is still there.Passione eterna,Daje Roma,forza roma sempre!

Blah blah..junk crap..yawn updates

I like the layout of my new homepage for the blog.It was just mere coincidence and the setting brings tears into me eyes.(Irish)

Addicted to the special one tv,a puppet show(youtube it) on football and jose mourinho as the host along with sven goran erikkson and wayne rooney.The callers feature Sir Alex,The voyeur Wenger,Rafa,Roy and Robbie Keane,David Beckham and many other fantastic personas.And all the mimicing is done by one Irish bloke Mario Rosenstack.So I find myself impersonating the show and its punchlines in public.I love the lad Dave from Newcastle who stalks Shola Ameobi.

I can go on and on with the show,so let it be.

Writing feels good,Im going to go on to comedy my genre very soon as people have not been taking to the kinda stuff I write.Ya,at the end of day its the funny bone which is the most strongest.In my interview at a theatre,when asked about my weirdest moment all I could think of is dancing to Kajra Mohabatt Wala at the i-gala.

KAJRA MOHABATT WALA

Man,I agreed to do this in a jiffy.And trust me it took a lot of courage to do that kinda thing.I was dressed up like a woman,looked like those overweight punju aunties(no offence).

I had to dance and thats one of the many things I cant do!

But at the end of day it was fun and people laughed like maniacs.The photos are just 1% of the actual ridicule,it was a thing you had to witness live.

I have to study.But I'm in a holiday mood especially after the eurotrip.

Life has been unfair on me and Roma.If we dont come 4th I'm heading into severe depression.

If only...

ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS AND HAVE NO RESEMBLANCE TO ANYONE.AND I'M BACK.!!!

And she sat in her favourite corner in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

As he walked into my life,as a friend,an angel always there in my hardest moments making me laugh,

Pleading guilty; I didnt let him in sooner,into my happiness.Selfish I was,I didnt know I was cutting his soul into half.

I was in love,an unknown magical made up world of bliss,knowing that this was love,

I ducked,ignored but finally I had to tell him that it wasn't him.Like an undertaker I had to shove.

But yet he was there,without saying a word,always supporting me but dying from inside, a feeling he never ever showed,

A masochist being He,sometimes I wish He would have told me atleast once,put a doubt at my ignorance;before I took that long winding road.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

Days turned into months,I had forgotten my minute guilt.Living the life I had in my dreams,I couldn't believe that this was ever going to end,

Didnt hear from him,I thought he was happy too.I'd much cared for him as friend,I thought I had nothing to amend.

There was a subtle sadness Id failed to capture,talked to him after months.But little did I know I was digging deeper into his sadness,

I failed to see,come out of my blissful world when I needed to.My reason; my friendship that I failed to harness

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

I blamed him,for not keeping in touch. I knew I was right, although I could feel the tremors in own world giving me a fright,

There were arguments and fights live every one has, a small unrest thrown in, felt I was being controlled in my s,ky like a kite.

I told him about my problems,and all he did was help me out like a true friend.I was lucky to have someone like him so close,

As I battled my way,he just kept a smile.I stopped while walking.Is he is the right man I chose.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

He gave me gifts,surprises and the love I failed to see.He was going,didnt realise his value until the days passed and the time came close,

Didnt give him a farewell he deserved,the future that lay ahead for both of us,no one would know.

I was still sailing in stormy seas whilst He just couldnt hold his tears together anymore,broke down and just let it flow,

I should have known better,the guilt and shame that bled out of me,I couldnt stare at the mirror,somehow I felt wrong now; at the time when he was about to take his bow.

He left, I was coming back to life and for the first time when I needed a friend He wasnt there,

But then the love of my life(pun intended) decided to stand by me for the first time,for a long time I missed the care.

But I was confused,I still felt I made the right decision. I was under a rough patch,but it all cleared up as he left and my love life suddenly became clear,as he going away brought us near.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

A couple of years gone by,I still hear his voice.But He ponders on coming back,as it strikes me the love was all a mirage,

I start feeling the guilt again,and this time Im sure it was him all along.But the words dont come as I live a life of accepting my fate.

I can still feel the love,miles away from me,fading away.Its a long time that I made him wait.

But I give in,I didnt have the guts to listen to my heart.A coward I was as I made my way back to the start.

He slowly disappeared, throwing disgust as I settled with the 'happy' love of my life who I thought was perfect,But I knew it wasnt.I convinced it was meant to be,swallowed my guilt,my life's final draft.

So I sat in my favourite corner,alone in the dark.crying,thinking,contemplating.

I wondered if I he was with me,I think that was how it was meant to be.But....

I wish I had taken that chance,to enjoy that summer dance.

I just know Ive made a mistake that I cannot turn back time and erase.

If only....

The Incomplete 21

I came here on the 27th of September.A week before my B'day.It was my 21st Bday and man i had made huge plans for this one.21,come on its a turning point in ones life and it just comes once(every bday does but cmon!!!)

Goa,girls,bikes,booze,music well nothing happened.

I would have not had to give any exam for the 1st time I can remember in a long long time.Otherwise I never celebrate my bday on 2nd of October cos its fuckin exam time!!!(Read the disgust as I type)

Guildford,2nd October 2008.

I cut a cake(my worst cake ever),a game of football with the goras(Thats the best part) and celebrate it with a gang of strangers(who i kinda know now) with no one around for that feeling of HOME.

I dont crave for gifts in a way but its always nice to gift stuff to other people.And I can vouch for the fact that I love giving away gifts to people who I like and I know well.

PRP,Jeenal and Reni had given away fab gifts much before my bday cos obviously I had to leave.And ofcourse Aanchal too,but on that day,honestly I was lost.

Homesick and far away trust me that is not the way anyone would want to spend their bday.

But that whole thing today I feel has made me much stronger as I write about my coming months in the UK.

But till date this has to be the worst bday of my life.And it had to be my 21st!!

I sink I'm a champion! and ze champion always comes back for more success.Shut up Sven!!Well

2009 is here and its a new improved me on the keyboard.Done with my operation bathroom cleanuo,I lay back and start writing again.A libran always has to have his or her say and its about time I restart something I promised I wont ever do.\

Ive grown up a lot in these 6 months away from home,man what a big difference these days have made to my life.

Apart from that, its the song 'Lost' by my fave English band Coldplay that has inspired me to put re start writing.

I think of the wonderful times Ive had in the UK,the people Ive met all the new experiences and having a heart to heart conversation with Audi long time back(a fellow libran,and a good friend of mine) I am back.I could have started again on the 2nd of feb,but aaaah I was lazy and moody.But Im back and here if someone markets my blog.Hell yeah..feels good

Forza Roma!!! We have been undeservingly treated and I hope we get our justice.Roma4eva

So Long(Goodbye my lover)

As I lay down the rose , why did this happen to me no one knows,I'm helpless , this is the path that He has chosen.I've accepted it , feet trembling , heart frozen.A stream of sweat flows , I just ca'nt bear the agony.Nothing lasts forever not even the immortal Mozart's symphony.I spoke to her eyes , she made my world & before I knew it I was into her,Months & years passed , she made my day everyday,Like a king she would nurture,Ca'nt believe she lay down me , now the love we shared slowly started the process of necrosis,& again before I knew it she was going to another world , leaving me all alone,& now I'm engraving my heart out on her stone.The last time I looked into her eyes, I did not cry,not a single tear,Thats what she said , that was good enough for the rest of my life here.Our love is immortal , where ever we might be nothing can come in our way,Those long walks in the dusk , those beautiful words,Nothing was like her warmth at the end of the day,I will miss her , but I'll live as if it was yesterday,Her spirit free in space , another minor change in our relationship carefuly moulded with clay,There wo'nt be a single second I wo'nt think of her as I walk back,The sun down , night beckons , as she lay down in her bed forever,the demons in my head attackI will fight them for her , so long my soulmate, my lover,I will love you always , be it in this world or another

Why?

Looking around I see sacrifices made by men with valor as they lie down dead
A father, a son, a brother, a friend, sole winner of the entire family’s bread
The smell still fresh in the air like in a human grocery store selling flesh and blood
Countless dying for a cause so reckless that even the gods ashamed bury their faces in mud
I see a widow, an orphan with no tears in their eyes as they have done in to the grief
Their future bleak they ask Allah why they have to suffer why we get swept away by the breeze
They just keep on asking him why, where the lords shine and dine in their triumph and success
For their own political might and avarice their skeletons anonymous and secure in the boxes
The ones caught in the nexus are us, we the people who meaninglessly put our lives online
Some brainwashed, some for pride give away their souls as a dakshina in the name of the sacred shrine
I look further, dust and rubble around me, the sun glaring down where houses stood before
They weren’t villas but they were homes for families filled with love which you can’t find in this world anymore
Playgrounds made in to graveyards, roads into battlefields the only sound I can hear of the paramedical teams
Im not scared anymore of the sounds of explosions or of helpless people’s screams
Im used to blood shed it happens everyday but I ask why or whom is this giving satanic pleasure
Is it the devil who plays or are we getting the fruits we deserve, why take away our happiness that we treasure
I have never ridden a bike; played on lawns, I was born in the world of hatred fear
Running away from death finding solace as soon as possible gives out the victory cheer
I am not oblivious anymore I demand answers for all this mayhem, why god why
But all I get is a cold shoulder and orders to sit in that dark corner and cry
We are not refugees this is our home land our place of birth, this is my country
I can’t bear to see houses burnt to dust stop this war this is pure infiltry
The lessons we learn from school is not education but fear of arms and ammunition
Yet no one comes forward in a force so strong to stop this human death fair of attrition
We have no proper food forget about the clothes and place to save our heads
Ive been living alone since the day I saw them blown up into shreds
I cried and cried all night and went hungry for days together
But I pray that that all this ends a hope which will dampen never
The hoot of the aero plane sends a rush as they send out packets of food
I walk with a single leg, crippled but I will fight for me and my country as a true hero should

Untitled

I walk down the eternal path of truth searching for all the questions bestowed upon humankind
Begging for mercy from the almighty, it is the only way out, but still no answers that I could find
I begged him forgiveness for all the atrocities committed by us spanning 300 years or so
He told me look at the rate we’re going killing Mother Nature mercilessly harming her rhythmic flow
Making the earth sweat eventually Mother Nature has to reply in her way bringing on the calamities
It’s the seeds that we have reaped as countless sins we’ve sown to make this day, and we rest happily thinking we have done our duties
The future is not unseen, as there are going to be millions of innocent people homeless
Dying form starvation the nomadic era will begin again provided they escape from the fury of the sea rendering them helpless
Cities will drown, nature getting its revenge there is nothing you can do then so start now, respect the mother, the creator
Then you’ll get the respect back from her, this is just her warning bell that you should fear
Oh almighty wait I beg you to do something about the human nature where has the love disappeared?
He said look at what we’ve done separated one race in the name of religion making it a scapegoat to create the great divide
Killing innocents as we uncover the truth behind genocides happening from a long time, as the masterminds are cowards who only know how to hide
The teachings of one love one world gone in vain as the human mind gets filled up with poison bringing my name in to shame
Greed, jealously, corruption I cant believe I created you, my aesthetic creation turned in to a monster so insane
I just wanted at least the chastity to remain but that has been dirtied in this puddle of mud which rips apart peace
Now for every person there is a bullet made, what is freedom when your own life is on lease?
I still begged is there any way out, any revolution any uprising that can awaken peoples minds
He said look at the people who have tried, they are considered soporific and put to waste
That attitude of people is taking away precious seconds as it’ll only aggravate doomsday and end of the human era, it’s a little too late
I said I will try and inspire many like me, ignite their souls and fight against injustice done by the devil that lay inside
He said im there with you, truth always wins, you’re a pure heart why don’t you ask anything for yourself,
Oh almighty I strive to make this world a better place and myself a better human being although there is one thing that’s left
I beg for finding love, someone who can love me for who I am and understand me better than myself
Someone who I can share my laughter and my tears someone who can always be there unconditionally
It shouldn’t be a burden, but a flower glazed in dew drops so beautiful
A girl that comes in my life and turns it upside sown so mystically
God----he was gone disappeared into thin air I don’t know what his message was
I close my eyes and pray-was it too much that I asked for???

Untitled

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UNTITLED

I walk down the eternal path of truth searching for all the questions bestowed upon humankind
Begging for mercy from the almighty, it is the only way out, but still no answers that I could find
I begged him forgiveness for all the atrocities committed by us spanning 300 years or so
He told me look at the rate we’re going killing Mother Nature mercilessly harming her rhythmic flow
Making the earth sweat eventually Mother Nature has to reply in her way bringing on the calamities
It’s the seeds that we have reaped as countless sins we’ve sown to make this day, and we rest happily thinking we have done our duties
The future is not unseen, as there are going to be millions of innocent people homeless
Dying form starvation the nomadic era will begin again provided they escape from the fury of the sea rendering them helpless
Cities will drown, nature getting its revenge there is nothing you can do then so start now, respect the mother, the creator
Then you’ll get the respect back from her, this is just her warning bell that you should fear
Oh almighty wait I beg you to do something about the human nature where has the love disappeared?
He said look at what we’ve done separated one race in the name of religion making it a scapegoat to create the great divide
Killing innocents as we uncover the truth behind genocides happening from a long time, as the masterminds are cowards who only know how to hide
The teachings of one love one world gone in vain as the human mind gets filled up with poison bringing my name in to shame
Greed, jealously, corruption I cant believe I created you, my aesthetic creation turned in to a monster so insane
I just wanted at least the chastity to remain but that has been dirtied in this puddle of mud which rips apart peace
Now for every person there is a bullet made, what is freedom when your own life is on lease?
I still begged is there any way out, any revolution any uprising that can awaken peoples minds
He said look at the people who have tried, they are considered soporific and put to waste
That attitude of people is taking away precious seconds as it’ll only aggravate doomsday and end of the human era, it’s a little too late
I said I will try and inspire many like me, ignite their souls and fight against injustice done by the devil that lay inside
He said im there with you, truth always wins, you’re a pure heart why don’t you ask anything for yourself,
Oh almighty I strive to make this world a better place and myself a better human being although there is one thing that’s left
I beg for finding love, someone who can love me for who I am and understand me better than myself
Someone who I can share my laughter and my tears someone who can always be there unconditionally
It shouldn’t be a burden, but a flower glazed in dew drops so beautiful
A girl that comes in my life and turns it upside sown so mystically
God----he was gone disappeared into thin air I don’t know what his message was
I close my eyes and pray-was it too much that I asked for???