I have lived,breathed, eaten Bollywood since my naam-karan took place. So here's my tribute cutting long story short,hope you bollywood fanatics like it.
Lets start with the lastest smash hit that is currently sweeping everyone of their feet. DABANGGG Ladies and Gents 'the DABANGG'
- Firstly, Salman Khan sucks as a cop trying to figure out the heinous crime by Sonu Sood and co. I mean it took him 2.30 hrs to complete his job. If it were the brave and very successful team of CID they would have wrapped it up in 45 mins excluding ads and commercials.
- India is getting its first and only Formula 1 track in the next calender year. But the organisers are miffed as in where the location of the track would be. But after watching Dabang, they have decided to use the length and breadth of Sonakshi Sinha's forehead to create a 5.6 km race track.
- Salman Khan is detected with an acute illness. He is suffering from boils, two mammoth ones located on his left and right armpit respectively. Which is why he keeps his hands at 2.5 kms equidistant from his body while doing the walk and talking the talk. Luckily, doctors have found the cure too. The regular use of Zandu Balm!!
- Sonu Sood is much appreciated for his muscles and other muscles protruding out from those muscles and a crown of muscles that crowns the layer. Anyways when asked what was his secret He replied, that it was due to all the hard work he had to do with a certain Ms.Neha Dhupia in Sheesha. Apparently they have filmed 6 sequels of Sheesha which will be out on DVD soon due to his sudden stardom. Mothers having teenagers beware!
- Arbaaz Khan did his role of his lifetime. All he had to do, was play himself in real life ie a younger brother sucking it up to his elder bro. Apparently, Dabang 2 could feature Sohail Khan so that the series maintains continuity.
- Munni Badnam Hui to be inculcated in fourth standard hindi text books and the dance sequence is added as a new genre of classical Indian dances. Classes shall be conducted by the Arora sisters.
- Coming to the end of this saga, Rajnikanth superstar Rajni down south, hero of Tamil Nad is planning to file a lawsuit against the makers of Dabang. It violated his original patented act, which cannot be copied for any amount of sum of cash. The act went like ' Mindless movie without script,screenplay,direction only focussing on the hero of the movie me Rajni. There will be songs, lots of them, romance with any girl who wants to climb the ladder, supernatural sfx action where the bad guys confuse the mighty Rajni but are shred to pieces in the climax. The styles and impersonations can only be done by me and only me Rajni the great.'
- KJO plans to re-make We are Family using this Khan khaandaan's story as the main backdrop, Aamir Khan plans to reclaim top spot by making a prequel to Ghajini and SRK well errr I dont know still believes that he is the no.1 Khan at the moment.
In other news, we rumble across other Bollywood bites that have managed to find their way into the limylight....
The next three months sees an approx of 15 films due for release. Pakistani singer Rahat Fateh Ali Khan is singing in every movie totaling to 16 and a half songs.
Rakesh Roshan regrets making Kites with Hrithik Roshan. In hindsight he says he would have made the movie with Emraan Hashmi would have bought him success and acclaim.
Mallika Sherawat stars in the new movie called Hisssss! The story line is leaked. Well generally naagins are supposed to be hot voluptuous babes. She wasnt and hence thrown out from the cult by Sridevi and Aruna Irani. The movie is based on her revenge and how she does plastic surgery to enhance her looks and get back at them. A bit like Sex in the City. Snake ishtyle.
Mrs. Rahul Mahajan has fallen down to no.2 in the most unfortunate women in the world to get married to a wanker. The no.1 spot is already claimed by the future Mrs. Vivek Oberoi.
Abhishek Bachchan played a mute aka dumb guy in an ad. This is the Tusshar Kapoor matra of gaining instant success and being recognised as a talented actor.
Priyanka Chopra to rename Khatron Ke Khiladi as the biggest losers. Since it got a big bunch of em, the show will be re-packaged and Koena Mitra shall be the new face.
This brings us to the end of this edition. For all those who want to bang their heads somewhere or shoot themselves please free to do so. And all those who have pretended to read this and praise me afterwards, dont worry I have no way to find out. Yes Bollywood is made lousy on this particular blog. Everytime!!!
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